by James Baker
The only thing different about the day was that it was more ordinary than usual. As I pulled out of the church parking lot and squeezed in between the familiar cement truck and the Honda Odyssey that continues to point out my lack of pride in having an honor roll student, I scrambled for some sports talk or political rant – anything to avoid thinking about the sink hole that was my day. Went through a few emails, got some video ideas shot down, and stared a hole through the blank white board in my drop-panel, fluorescent-filled office. I’ve had naps that were more productive.
The only thing different about the day was that it was more ordinary than usual. As I pulled out of the church parking lot and squeezed in between the familiar cement truck and the Honda Odyssey that continues to point out my lack of pride in having an honor roll student, I scrambled for some sports talk or political rant – anything to avoid thinking about the sink hole that was my day. Went through a few emails, got some video ideas shot down, and stared a hole through the blank white board in my drop-panel, fluorescent-filled office. I’ve had naps that were more productive.
And then in an instant, my day was changed. A sporty little Pontiac Grand Am, complete with after-market spoiler and silhouette of Calvin relieving himself on the Ford logo, slid in front of me within inches of my front bumper. He slowed down enough to force me to hit my brakes, but then dropped it in fourth and weaved through about four cars ahead of me before I had the chance to even resume the posted speed. I don’t know if I had more anger or excitement, but it didn’t really matter, because I was experiencing something that had been missing all day. Purpose. Maybe it wasn’t the Rick Warren kind, but it would have to suffice. It was on.
I squinted my eyes, flipped through the dial until I hit anything Aerosmith, and jumped the Titan an extra 5mph (this is Friendswood, after all) until I caught up to ol’ fiddy-cent. I had boxed him in, shot over my best Vin Diesel glance, and was fully expecting to see that beautiful mix of seething anger and helpless resignation. What I got, was blind oblivion. He was on his phone. And not even the cool Bluetooth kind that would have freed him up to both shift and steer, but one hand fully plastered to the left side of his head. This guy had just destroyed me, all the while blathering on about Axe body spray, or Grand Theft Auto, or maybe the burrito supreme from Taco Bell he was about to pound. Whatever it was, it wasn’t about me.
In my clearer moments, I’ll feel the embarrassment of my juvenile shenanigans, and think, “Really? You’re forty-two years old, and this is what you’ve got going on in your life? Getting cut-off in traffic somehow turns into an epic showdown between Potter and Voldemort?” Unfortunately, self-chastisement does little more than shame me until I find the next distraction. What I need is not a scolding. What I need is a real challenge. I’m convinced that’s what we all need. The truth is we’re hard-wired for it, and we’re going to find it no matter what.
Discontentment – or strife – is not all bad, and in its purest form, produces a life with meaning. Fighting to work hard at our jobs. Struggling to love our families well. Pursuing others vigorously with the love of Christ. It is that friction that reminds us we’re alive. But perverted, our days look very different. It is the genesis of envy. Of back-biting and angry words. Of frivolous lawsuits and marital affairs. And yes, even imaginary car chases with punk teenagers.
When we wake up tomorrow, we will ready ourselves for battle. It is inevitable, and God’s intent for our life. The question is, which enemy will we choose.
I have spent many, many moments in my life giving in to the discontentment in ways that would satisfy or maybe even glorify myself. What I always ended up with was temporary satisfaction followed by yet even greater discontentment, thus, more need to find that "something" that would fill me up again and again and again. It's not that I didn't know who God was or maybe even how I should live my life -- it was usually all about me. I learned over a lot of time of making wrong choices and finding myself in that hole yet again that I was really very selfish. And, when it finally hit me (through a lot of pain and heartache)-- it was definitely an "aha" moment. Suddenly, things became very clear to me. Since then -- I have made much better choices and found that if I will press into God for EVERYTHING -- He will be there and is there for me -- I, however, must continue to work on patience. So these days, I rather enjoy the times of contentment and find that discontentment or strife, more often than not, serves to nudge me toward or places me directly where God wants me to be. And, I remember to thanks and praise for the good and the not so good. Keep them coming James -- the blog is definitely stirring our thoughts.
ReplyDeleteJames!!! This was soooo good. You had me on the verge of tears (I may cry too easily though) and in the next moment laughing, both in response due to personal experience. I needed this call back to reality, back to realizing that I get to choose my real purpose today.
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