#18 - Being Present (Guest Post)

by Jason Seifert

"Now, with God's help, I shall become myself.”

- Soren Kierkegaard

I have not been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, but I often feel a deficit.  I don’t have enough attention to go around.  I am inundated with requests for my attention.  Some of these requests are quiet and whisper-like, while some are incessant pleas.  I find myself contemplating the ways I can “budget” my attention – a little here, a little there, and save some for later.  Sometimes I spend it all, sometimes I hoard it, and sometimes I feel like it was stolen from me.

I have various areas of my life that need attention.  Some of these areas, like my yard, reveal a severe lack of attention.   At least one of the reasons my yard is becoming an eyesore is that I have decided that if something is going to experience a deficit of my attention, I don’t want it to be my family and other relationships.  I’m an introvert, so engaging with people can drain a lot of “attention energy” from me.  For my wife, engaging with people infuses her with Chihuahua-like energy.  Perhaps I could throw a party, get her hopped up on conversation with friends, and then hand her the weedeater and see what happens.  

Surely, some of my attention struggles come from weaknesses I have.  I may lack some skills and therefore look for ways to improve in areas like time-management so I can be more effective and efficient with how I spend my attention.  Still, I have noticed some red flags.

I am talking with my 4 year old son, but I’m not really “present” with him.  I realize he’s going to be 14 all-too-soon and may not be yearning for his father’s attention.  I need to forget the yard and go wrestle.

I am hurrying as I put my daughter to bed.  I rush though the book, sing a quick song, pray a short prayer … I need her to go to sleep so I can go get some work done.  Doesn’t she realize I have a lot of important things to tend to?  I realize that at some point she could rush out the door saying the same thing to me.  I think I can find the bandwidth to sing her “Itsy-bitsy spider” a few more times, before she sings “Cat’s In The Cradle” to me.

Though I may stumble in my efforts, the “budget” for my attention-giving is based on some good principles for budgeting our money: start with fixed costs, pay yourself first, etc.  In the end, I have decided that I have to “pay” attention to my relationships first.  For me, the primary relationship is with God.  It is that relationship that defines life for me, defines priorities for me, and defines me for me.  Paying attention to that relationship helps me pay better attention to all of my other relationships, to set boundaries with the attention-grabbers around me, and to live more in the present. I don’t want to pour out my attention on good things only to find they weren’t the best things.  I want to invest my attention in the things that will provide the most return, not only for me but for the ones I love – or even the world.    I want to spend it well.